But just in time, I enter her and take over.Inside Grace's body. Another fascinating experience. Not nearly as comfortable and strong and stable as Kadir, not tiny and delicate and weightless like Ella. Kind of uncomfortable, a bit crampy, tired, achy, and much weaker than my body I used to have. But this bed again, so cozy. I don't want to leave the warmth, but I whip off the covers and stand. God women really do get colder. I awkwardly walk around the dark room, then go to the master bathroom and flip on the light. I'm in an excessively large bathroom, with pristine white tile, marble counters, a gigantic jacuzzi tub, a separate standing shower, the toilet is inside it's own little closet-sized room. Jesus these people live different. I head to the huge mirror over the double sinks. There she is, Grace in all her beauty. Middle of the night, no makeup, disheveled chin length wavy blonde and brown hair, slight bags under her eyes. And yet gorgeous. Tight white tank top showing her. So, instead, I turned away and faced the ceiling, wondering if Gayle was doing like me at that very moment, lying in bed wondering if there was any way out of this, if there was really any hope at all. Then I sighed and closed my eyes, drifting into an uneasy sleep.The next morning, I awoke feeling hung over, weak and tired, and emotionally, if not physically, exhausted. Gayle's party had been a wakeup call for me. Something had to change in my life. What I was looking for, whatever it might be, wasn't going to come find me. I had to go get it myself. And, as I stood in the shower with my hands behind my back, letting the warm water splash over my body, long strands of wet hair dangling around my face like a curtain, I began thinking about Gayle, thinking about how this person whom I barely knew made me feel. There was just something about her, some unknown, intangible quality I couldn't quite define. My subconscious kept trying to regurgitate her being a lesbian, but I shook it out.
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